Writing

I'm feeling negative tonight.

Negative like I'll never climb out of this pit and get where I want to be.
Negative like, this ladder that's supposed to be carrying me out of this pit is so rickety.
I'm going to crash right through it, it's going to crumble beneath me and I'll be left flat on the ground staring at the stars that are so far above me. 
Negative like, I want to punch the wall in front of me, I want to punch the wall, this book, myself, the sky. 
Negative like I'm in a twisting maze and the only thing I see in front of me is a clear smooth wall and I can't touch it, I can't climb it, I can't punch it, I can't break it.
Negative like the only thing to do is curl up into oblivion and ignore my cool smooth wall, ignore the ladder beneath me, the stars above me.
Negative like the only thing to do is ignore myself until I dissolve.
Until I become the ladder, the sky, this book, myself, the air, my punches. I'll ignore myself until I shatter into a million pieces, like dust, until I crumble, I fold, I'm broken. 

2013

by Brittany Chavez